Look at that face! That is a face that I can't help but love! I have been asking heavenly father in my prayers recently to help me remember to stop and focus on Julian and his needs through out the day, to really try to understand him. You see Julian has a whine that within seconds makes you want to shoot yourself! He is very independent, yet so needy at the same time, and impatient as all get out (he gets that from his dad) When he doesn't like what you have to say or don't respond quick enough he will hit you, and it's not just the "frustration" hit that doctors talk about, it is a true attention getting I am mad at you hit! Between all of that I have been struggling the last several months, at getting truly upset and mad at this little boy! To the point that it was taking over any positive. So the last several days I have prayed for the guidance and awareness to STOP and THINK and UNDERSTAND my little boy. The first day I just prayed for patients, BIG MISTAKE, when you do that the lord answers by giving all the opportunity to practice!!!
The next several nights I asked that I would be able to understand Julian, remember his limitations, and to be aware of his feelings and struggles. And the last several days I have found or rekindled a even stronger love for him! I always loved him, but the last several months I had been physically exhausted and my emotions so frayed that I had a hard time feeling all the love I really have for him! The last several days I have been able to stop and see I boy who is extremely loving. Who cares deeply for those around him, who loves to snuggle, even if it is for a brief minute in between his race. A sense of humor to boot, and a smile that could kill! I am absolutely in love with this little boy. He still has a whine that could bust an ear drum, and a mighty powerful slap, but I have learned to see past that to the heart of my son. I am learning to make those frustrating moment into better teaching moments.
Motherhood is hard work! I never expected it to be easy, I knew it was physically demanding, but the thing I think I was least prepared for is how EMOTIONALLY demanding it can be. But at the same time it is very emotionally REWARDING! You just have to remember to STOP, THINK, AND LISTEN!
There is a popular blog I follow entitled 71 toes The mom has a very simple sign in her entry way that reads "Love More" This has been my focus of the week, and I really want to make a similar sign for my house, so that I could always remember that there is always room in our lives to love more...
Mommy loves you Julian Thompson James!
