First Hair Cut and Halloween!

What did that say? Did that say first Hair cut? I couldn't have cut my baby's amazing locks that I love so much could I have? Unfortunately yes. For months Jamie has bugged me about cutting Julian's hair, and I was not going to do it. But the other day Julian and I were at the laundry mat, and this girl saw Julian in his very "boy" clothes and said, Oh SHE is sweet! That was the last straw I couldn't let people continue to call Julian a girl, so Monday morning we headed to a barber (Jamie wanted to do it, but I wasn't letting him near my child's head) lol. I thought the process would go slow and I could take it in slowly, but once that women started cutting she didn't stop, and that was probably best because it took Julian all of a few minutes to decide he was done with the whole process. Luckily Jamie was there and helped hold Julian still while I tried to distract him. I would be lying if I didn't say that I really had to hold back tears as I saw the hair on the ground! He still looks very cute, but he looks so much older and grown up, but at least I wont have to wash his hair several times a day because he constantly has food in it!!

Halloween was very low key this year. I decided not to go all out on a costume for Julian, when we went to the library reading we do every week, they got to wear costumes and I had him wear the monkey suit we wore last year. But for our ward trunk or treat I had just bought a three dollar shirt that was a skeleton with candy in the stomach and it glowed in the dark!

Like I mentioned we went to our ward trunk or treat, where people park their cars in the parking lot of the church and decorate their car trunks and pass out candy. I wasn't sure if Julian would get the concept of going to each car and getting a piece of candy, but boy was I wrong! That boy totally new what to do and would run up to each car and grab one piece of candy out of the bowl and would put it in his bag, which I was holding for him, and then he would run to the next one! I don't have many pictures because he was having so much fun running around I couldn't get any pictures of him, well at least many that weren't the back of his head! Halloween night Julian had a slight cough, and Jamie was working so I decided we would just stay in. I only had like four kids come and get candy, that was disappointing! Overall though Julian had a great time with the events we did participate in!

Music

It's so interesting the power music has on the mind!Did you know that with Alzheimer's ( and many brain injuries/health problems)music is the last memory to leave. I think I have told this story before, but I will never forget the day, when I was working at the adult day care for those with Alzheimer's. There was a very sweet man names Jack. When you would talk to him he would not say more than two words, and if you asked him a simple question about his life ( how old are you, whens your birthday) he would sit there staring trying to remember, and then would just look you in the eye and say "I don't know" Later in the day I would get on the piano and play some classic songs very popular in the 20's, 30's and 40's. I remember sitting at the piano and beginning to play "Alice Blue Gown". Jack immediately sat up and to my astonishment he sang every word of that song, and every song after it with out missing a beat!

I always find it fascinating how I can hear a certain song, or band, and I am immediately thrown back to a time in my life.

Example: Natasha B. bring me to driving in the car with one of my first roommates when I first heard her song, my roommate blasting the song while we stopped at Sonics just for a cup of their amazing Ice!! Anything "Tegan and sara" or Gold Digger brings me to late nights with Megan T. talking about our "BOY" issues. She pretty much introduced me to the indie music. Imogen Heap instantly reminds me of Louise, and how much I miss her and her accent! Any kind of musical drags me to High School, senior year were I felt on top of the world as my first lead in the school musical! Brazilian music reminds me of my first date with Jamie who played a popular Brazilian love song, and translated it for me.

The fact that music does this can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes those memories make you miss the way things were, or at least the people and the connection you have. Or it brings a smile to your face as you remember a funny joke or instance related to the music.

Either way, music touches the soul And I just cant loose that loving feeling I have for music!

Dreams

I am one of those weird people, who has very vivid dreams. In fact hardly a day goes by that I don't remember one or two dreams I had the night before. I read once that this is because my body doesn't get into a good deep sleep. Not only do I dream, but I often have frighting, or down right weird dreams! I have many dreams of people dying,getting blown up (sorry shirl, or people trying to hurt the ones I love. Sometimes my dreams are weird, like the other day I had a dream that I was leading a group of people who were attempting to attend Marin Luther King JR. Funeral to sing "Amazing Grace" But the government had sent the army to cut off our path in an attempt to cover-up his death, to not let people know... Weird huh??

I would even venture to say that I have had spiritual dreams before. Once in high school, I had a dream that I was sitting in our high school gym during a prep rally of some sorts with the whole school there. I remember that I was sitting with people I recognized as friends, but not specific people (that happens a lot where there is a relationship but not a specific face)I look across to the other side of the gym and there sitting in the middle of the crowd of teenagers, was Jesus Christ. I remember being in awe, and then turning to my "friends" and asking if they see Christ, they looked at me weird and then kinda ignored me. Then I heard Christ's voice speak to me saying that they could not see him, but that he loved all of them. I have this dream written down in one of my journals, but right this moment I cant remember all that was said, but it was a dream that had a big impact on me. I have had a similar dream a couple years ago this time involving my mom and a family friend. Needless to say I think that we can have spiritual moments even in our dreams.

I have been thinking about this because I had a dream last night that was so vivid, and I felt such joy and peace in the dream, even though craziness was happening all around me. I will start off by saying that in the first months of my pregnancy with Julian, I had a dream that I was holding a little boy, with curly dark hair. And then Julian came out with that head full of his precious dark hair (so much so the nurses joked that they could have pulled him out by his hair) Now I am not sure that dream really meant anything, I mean I had a 50/50 chance of the gender for goodness sakes, but I also don't believe in just discarding it either. So to get on about my dream last night. I had a dream that I was in a hospital with our good friends the Colvin family (by the way Colvin's this was the first time you have been in my dreams, welcome to the club! LOL)The whole family was there for the birth of someones baby, and I was pregnant as well. While there I went into labor and it was early and it was happening fast, in fact I ended up having the baby before I was in an "official" room, and out came the most precious baby boy. What was so distinct for me, was how vivid this dream was. ( I usually have some fuzzy parts of a dream)but this one I saw everything this little boy had a face similar to Julian's but his hair was a golden light brown, almost like he had blond highlights. And when I held him I was at such peace. I also had an indescribable feeling of love as I got to introduce Julian to him.

This dream was interesting to me on many different levels. As I thought about the dream today many things stuck out to me. Things about my life now, that perhaps I have been struggling with.

1) We were in a hospital with the Colvins, meaning to me, that we were still living in Utah. I have really struggled to accept that fact that we still live in Utah, with no exit in sight. When I was growing up, this just wasn't the place I wanted to spend forever, or raise my kids. I find my self having a love/hate relationship with Utah. But in this dream it felt like such a place of love, and it gave me the feeling that we are going to be here at least a few years longer so I better strive to have that loving feeling.

2)I have told Jamie from the beginning, that if we had two boys in a row, then I was done! I just couldn't imagine the risk of having a another one after that (I am pretty sure I want three children) and three boys would be just too much for me! However, I have never felt quite a feeling like I did in my dream, when I got to introduce Julian to his little brother. I remember in the dream thinking that this was a good things, and had such love for these two little boys.

3) I would be lying if I didn't admit that there have been many times in the last year where I have told myself, that I am done having kids now! I am just not cut out to be a mother, this is not working the way I had planned! I have really struggled with this concept. Growing up I was the person EVERYONE called to babysit, because I loved it, all ages. I played imaginary house way longer than the average girl does (or probably should for that matter) I have always felt like my gift would be in raising a family. However, lately I have felt that this couldn't be further from the truth. And when I think about it, it's not really about my feelings, but what I would be doing to the children messing up their life, and them having to go to therapy, because mom was not meant to be a mother!

In the dream, the moment I looked at this new baby in my arms it just felt "right" like this is what it is all about, this is what life is all about. I was reminded in the dream that it wasn't easy (soon after introducing Julian to his brother he managed to stick his head in the toilet I think??? ) But even though it wouldn't be easy I could do it, and I could work on being a great mother.

The dream was really magical to me. No I am not pregnant, and don't plan on being anytime real soon, but this dream gave me lots to think about. And even if my next child is a girl, and looks nothing like the child in the dream, I still think this dream held significant meaning in my life. Perhaps, a "turning point" of some sorts.

Confused

I really don't know what to write exactly, I just feel the need to write! My mind has been bogged down quite a bit lately with a myriad of thoughts and feelings. Usually just writing helps me sort everything out, but as I sit here nothing is coming real easily. When I went home last I was at lunch with my dad and I was telling him about how I am not happy with a lot of things right now. He told me that over the years one things he has learned is that you just have to be happy with the NOW in life. Interesting enough Dieter Uchtdorf said almost the exact thing at the Relief Society broadcast last month. Since coming home I have really tried to keep that in mind, but I have to admit I am not doing to well at it. Can I give you exact reason why I feel so strongly about certain aspects of my life right now? No, not really, and even if I could I am not sure how many would be valid reasons. I just know how it makes me feel, and I don't like it.

Summer 2011- picture over load

Fall is finally coming and I couldn't be more excited! I LOVE Fall. I love it better in California because it last longer than here in Utah! Now that Summer is come and gone, I thought I should do a re-cap. Like I mentioned in my last post, my computer often has issues with loading pictures, but today it was working, so I decided to not stop until I got all the pics up that I wanted or the computer stopped working. Therefore we are in picture over load. This post is already really long so I will keep the descriptions short!

The first pic was when we went to the zoo with friends! I was so excited for Julian to go to the zoo and see the animals. I thought for sure he would love it. Turns out Julian was terrified of everything!! All except we got to the playground and they had these egg like things for Julian to climb in. This is pretty much the only picture I have of that day because he would not get close to anything!! Oh well

The next couple are of Julians 1st birthday. The theme was trucks! He has a shirt with trucks on it and wore overalls. We have friends, family for a BBQ and I made the cake!! I was so proud of myself. It was the first cake I have made like this! As you can see from Julians face he enjoyed it as well!

The picture with Julian with only his diaper on, was taken because Julian had taken my sandal, and spent a good five minutes trying to figure out how to put his foot in it like I do. When he finally did it he was so excited and scooted around the house showing off the shoe! I had to take a picture!

Uncle Shaun will leave for his mission this month, and this could be the last picture taken for two years!! Julian had fun with Uncle shaun, and just next month he will meet Uncle Spencer who comes home from his mission!!

The next several pictures are from our trip to California for my mothers 50th birthday! On the day I was packing to leave Julian decided he wanted to travel in the luggage! LOL I think Julians favorite part was playing with the cousins. Julian is so use to be the kid that chases others and gets a little rough, but he had a blast being chased my cousin Kaliea and Luke! This picture was of Luke and Julian saying good-bye!

While in California, we had to go on the lake!! Julian had so much fun, I knew he liked water, and swimming, but I wasn't sure how he would do with the boat and more importantly the life jacket!! He fought the life jacket at first but when I put him in the water and he realized that it let him float on his back, he was in love. On the boat he was laughing and yelling "Weee-Weee" When my dad would go fast! His hair had just has much fun if you cant tell from the pictures. My mom had him sit in the driver seat and he got a kick out of that! The food at the lake it always good! Chicken with nanna!!

Like a mentioned earlier, we went for my moms 50th birthday! We had a huge party with all kinds of friends and family! Julian made a big mess of the birthday cake! Julian also got to hang out with his second cousins!!

The last two pictures are from our ward camp-out! Julians first time camping and he had fun, besides the fact that he kept wanting to run into the fire!! The last picture he had taken his water and dumped in on his head!!

Well that's all for now! Hope everyone enjoyed their summer!!